I'm supposed to tell you something profound about Beijing.  Ain't got shit to say.  Wrong subway terminal, walked too far, got lost, laughed, guy tried to shake us down in a hutong but we're smart bitches. Little girl waves, we wave, she comes over, welcomes us to China to applause and photos and Im' sure I'm in five generations of photos. Ate duck brain/

Trying to get train tickets to Badaling was the most exciting thing ever.  Six white people...blind following the blind.  Hilarious after we all got to the wall and had to take pics of each other, because for some fucked up reason, we all decided to climb the same section, when we had no idea where the hell we were going. Seriously, I'm in the terminal trying to match characters and we all kind of give each other a shrug that says, "We're fucked anyway...run with it."

 Grandmas grab me and want pictures, but I have to throw peace signs as they pat my hand and smile and say shit I don't understand.  Tee me do, is all I can utter as they hold me tight and laugh.

Seriously, we were so damn lost, I was thinking "I'm this close and I'm gonna miss the great wall."  This happens because the effin subway lists ONE train station.  One, and in all reality, Beijing has about five.

We won the lottery and have tickets to Xi'an...if we can get back from the wall in time.  Half the day was spent trying to find the train, and Nik is seriously OUT of control.

We make it, then she says we have to catch some bus to the Beijing Xi station.  Means west train station.  Everyone fails to let us know this is the most popular train in China.

We are running.  Some drunk guy screams, "And, FUCK YOU!!" at Nikki.  I laugh, 'cause I'm pretty sure its the only english he's ever learned.  she turns and gives him two middles.  She's telling me we have an hour, but when we get there, after watching kids shit on the floor...seriously, shit,  take a few steps let mom clean it up and shit again, I tell her the train is boarding.  she realizes I'm right, and they send us to car six.

I don't know it at the time...but I am about to enter the trippiest experience of my life. I thought pooping on the floor was wild. Education coming to a chair near you